Dawah Through Actions


Bismillah Hir Rahman Nir Rahim Asalam o Aleikum Wa Rehmatullahi Wa Barakatahu Dear Dr Farhat,

I hope and pray that Allah SWT accepts all of our efforts and always uses us for His Deen Amin. i would like to share with you my experience on the impact of silent tabligh through actions over the negative impact of harsh but truthful explanations. I would request that you with hold my name if you should chose to share this with anybody. I seek no appreciation or rewards except from Allah SWT. May He SWT accept all good deeds that He Blesses me with the ability to perform and may He forgive me for all the sins I commit, have committed, or will commit. Amin.
About a year ago I moved to a new town. After spending a few months without a weekend school i decided to propose the use of the Colors of Islam program as a guideline for the Sunday school. as is the case in most such situations, parents had questions–as they should–and wanted to meet me. an emergency meeting was called where it was anticipated that about twenty parents would attend. when i arrived–on time–no one was there. after a wait of about 15 minutes we had two parents out of which one parent was not even going to send his kids–due to prior commitments. AlhumduLillah not at all dismayed by the turnout i continued to explain how the curriculum worked and that made the attendees very excited. After looking at the book one of the parents asked in a very hushed tone where this curriculum was from? Of course i told him exactly what I knew he did not want to hear but AlhumduLillah Allah SWT made me chose my words carefully where i did not have to compromise the truth.

So he just told me not to tell anybody about the source as there was a very big ‘anti al-huda’ following in this American City. I was needless to say deeply saddened but at the same time realized that there was no reason to ask the next question which would be–why? i swallowed all of this with a pinch of salt and thought and prayed for the prophet SAW who had to face much worse situations and then he handled those in such an ehsan way.
A few weeks after that I was by the Grace of Allah SWT asked to join a friday youth halaqa at the masjid due to my ‘eloquence’–which of course is not due to any greatness in me but rather to the fact that whatever is said about Allah SWT and that too in the words of Quran and then the words of prophet SAW can be nothing but eloquent.
Then came what i dreaded–a lady asked me to give a dars in urdu but when I told her that I could do it in English she asked by the way where have you studied from. when I told her, that was pretty much when the conversation became one sided. I could sense anger and sadness overtaking my emotions but I prayed real hard to Allah SWT to keep me composed and to say only that which is right. I cannot go into-and see no point in doing so either–the details of the questions but they were mostly futile–argument for the sake of argument. I silently listened and prayed that with the passage of time Allah SWT will make things clear Himself and choose me to say only the Truth and promote only that which is correct.
AlhumduLillah as the days passed i was invited to speak at a wednesday halaqa for ladies where i opted to talk about Allah SWT, who He is and what our relationship with Him should be. AlhumduLillah slowly people started showing their softer side and when the time was right i offered them the website address to go find out and judge for themselves rather than just go on hearsay as is often the easiest way. I make no claim of having turned a whole city but I feel that patience and steadfastness is what opens the gates to Allah’s Mercy to let one do something for His deen. What is important is not that people log onto specifically alhuda or farhathashmi.com–and i mean this with the greatest respect as you for me are like my mother who i love dearly–but rather that people should not stay away from the truth just because of rumors or half truths.
The point of all this is just to make students realize that emotional talk accomplishes very little compared to actions carried out with taqwa, iman, patience and perseverance. and most importantly it should not be to save face of an institute or person but rather to promote Al-Haq.

Jazak Allah Khair.
May Allah SWT strengthen His Taqwa and Iman in our hearts Amin
Wassalam,
A Student of Knowledge

Mistakes Are Opportunities


By:  Sarah Yazback

Assalamu Alaikum,

I wanted to share an inspiring story that has dramatically changed the way many parents and teachers that I work with view the mistakes that children make…

I recently heard a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother which occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator, when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, “Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?” Indeed, he did. After a few minutes his mother said, “You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up, and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel or a mop. What do you prefer? He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, “You know what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.” The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew that he didn’t need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. They are simply that – just experiments to see what happens. Even if the experiment “doesn’t work,” we usually learn something valuable from it.

Wouldn’t it be great if all parents would respond the same way Robert’s mother responded to him? After all, why do we have that phrase, “Don’t cry over a little spilt milk.” It truly is no big deal. We need to remember that we’re raising capable, confident kids, not shiny linoleum floors.

Jack Canfield

Sarah Yazback, MS Educational Psychology. Sarah is presently working on her PhD in Educational Psychology. She is a counselor and founder of the non-profit organization, MANARA Foundation which was created to address the psycho-educational needs in Muslim communities and work toward the unification of Muslims globally. Through the Manara Foundation, she seeks to explore the overlap between the psychological, physical, and spiritual realms from an Islamic perspective. Her focus is in all spheres including the individual, marriage, family, and community. Mrs. Sarah and her organization offer consultation, training, writing, and speaking in the domain of Islamic Psychology.

Advice to Parents

Make Dua for your children, on a daily basis & when you face challenges. Start early and pray for children who will be the delight of your heart and eyes.

Have a Vision for how you want to see your child in the next 15/20 years (this is not a career plan, think manners, character, accomplishments, experiences etc) make a strategic plan for all the factors that will be needed to get him/her there and start working

Make them God-Fearing. Not from a terrifying punishing Lord, but from a Gentle, Loving, Kind Allah who is proud of them and wants to see them succeed.

Teach them good manners & morals. The Prophet (SWT) told us ‘Make their manners & morals beautiful. This is the biggest reflection from parents.

Nurture your children to be appreciative and respectful of you. For example if you cook them a meal or take them out, teach them to say ‘Thank you mom for making this food’ or ‘Jazakallah dad for taking us out’, every time.

Let your children catch you doing good things. More powerful than lectures,
is to let your children see you in action. If you are visiting your aunt who is sick let them choose the gift and take them with you.

Choose Good Friends for your children. Don’t let them be chosen. Let them spend quality time in front of you. Sleepovers are not a good idea, especially as they get older. This is where they are going to learn the things you don’t want them to or worse.

Talk to your children, don’t spoil or over praise them. Keep talking to them at all ages, they are listening and recording. Times change and their childhood will be vastly different from yours. Read and keep up to date with what is happening in the world.

Courtesy ICCL Academy

Effects of Divorce on Children

From: Madiha Junaid


Bismillah
Assalamualikum wr wb
Dear Ustazah
I was moved when I read this article. How a divorce effects young children. In addition exploiting hudoods of Allah, which he has commanded us to observe such as respecting husband, tashakkur for husband and being modest(salihat) and lowering gaze, not intermingling with men or for men not intermingling with men and taqwah in hearts, the most important.
This article is worth reading and I also read some comments to get to know how people react and think on reading these stories.

http://www.thestar.com/Insight/article/639353#Comments

Personally I believe in the words of Quran ‘As-sulhu-khair’ unless there are inevitable conditions. In that too I believe children would get effected.
Personally I believe as parent we have immense responsibility on us to know and feel our kids’ need. How are they feeling about us? are we communicating with them properly in the way we should? are we concerned how they feel about our reactions? If they are not listening to us then why? Are they trying to tell us something by their actions, reactions and their general behaviour? If they lie then why ? If they do the opposite of what we want them to do then why is it so?
My experience is that when kids get hurt from inside from their parent’s behaviour for example injustice or more love and care for another kid (this more love and care for another sibling could be for any reason). Doing justice is critical for healthy growth of children.
Second thing which make them feel bad is always pointing fingers on them, telling them what they did wrong rather than telling them what was right to do, for e.g. ‘you did not do salam to aunty’ rather than saying please salam aunty or always do salam first when you see aunty. This is a minor example, we make mistakes everyday. Either we are too soft or either too strict, start blaming them. Kids are tender ,when we blame them we do not know how they are feeling inside. I agree sometime we need to be strict to get things done, but we feel bad afterwards and my experience they forget the next day and they are the same.

I am so concerned about raising my kids as healthy individuals, why? Many reasons not going in detail, but one thing for sure, I have many reasons to believe that psychological illnesses especially in girls are due to childhood trauma, In Asian society some factors are a)injustice between siblings, b)divorce, c)or excessive protection from parents due to some kind of fear in them or at least in one parent for which reason kids are not able to make small decisions for themselves. They are not given the chances of making choices for themselves knowing their limitations. d)Either there is excessive love from one parent or sometimes grandparent which prevents them to do islah or if at some stage they do want to do it then the method is not right which again is pointing fingers rather than doing reform. e)In addition, scaring kids with something, not being open to communication or good communication with one sibling and not with other,these are all causes of psychological illnesses.
Here in this article big cause is separation. I know a different scenario in which two close sisters were separated due to some reason which has to happen and both developed the same kind of psychological illness with different symptoms.
In Western society, I have worked as a volunteer at CAMH in Toronto which is a centre for treating mental illnesses and addiction. I was involved in working in a research office and there most of the patients I saw or read their charts (patient history) had some kind of child hood trauma. Some most common are again the divorce of parents, and the second being sexual abuse in childhood. Sexual abuse in childhood was the thing I heard first time in my life. I did not know it can ever exist. It might exist in Asian societies too but may be we never talk about it or nobody has the courage to do it. In most cases childhood abuse was done by step father (again one late consequence of divorce) or mother’s boy friend and this was more common, I believe.
Recent involvement of an 18 year old female in the murder of a little girl in Woodstock,
she also has a history of tough childhood with similar issues as discussed above.

Now Alhamdulillah by gaining the understanding of Quran I am a better mother than before, I think about my attitude towards my kids, I realize the importance of happy marriage or at least a marriage without unnecessary debates and unnecessary confrontations, maintaining good relationshipsfirst with my husband and my family and the most important, Hikmah in the words of Allah. I can remember Ustazah when we were learning surah Baqarah (tafseer2005) it was discussed that to be Ummat-e-wast, Allah Ta’ala first has given us Ma’asharti usool, how to do nikah, maintain family relationships and what to eat .After that a muslim society would develop when muslim homes are developed. Similarly now I realize why divorce is so disliked and the disliked halal according to the meaning of one hadith.

Alhamdulillah one good thing about our South Asian society is that marriages do last but the divorce rate is alarmingly getting high. I fear for myself as well as my next generations especially living in West. I pray that May Allah protect us and give our younger generations the best salih spouses and give all of us hidayah, fear for Allah and keep us on the right path.

Warnings to the Daa’ee

Shaykh ‘Abdul-’Aziz ibn Baaz rahimahullaah
(From the book “Words Of Advice Regarding Da’wah”)

Beware of being extreme

It is correct to name this awakening which pleases and excites every believer, an Islamic movement, an Islamic revival and an Islamic movement. It is necessary to encourage and guide this awakening towards adhering and clinging to the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) as well as warning leaders and individuals within this awakening from exceeding the limits, exaggerating and being extreme in their actions. In accordance with what Allah says in the Qur’aan, O people of the scripture, do not exceed the limits in your religion. [An-Nisaa 171] The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) is reported to have said: “O you people, beware of being extreme and exceeding the limits in the religion, for that which destroyed the people before you was none other than extremism in the religion.” He (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) also said: “The extremists are destroyed, the extremists are destroyed, the extremists are destroyed.”

Speaking about Allah without knowledge

Beware of speaking about Allah, the Most High, without knowledge. It is not permissible for one who believes in Allah, the Most High, and the Last Day to say: ‘This is halaal and this is haraam’ or ‘This is permissible and this is prohibited’, except with a proof and completely depending upon that. It should be sufficient for him to do what the people of knowledge did before him, and that is to restrain oneself from rushing into saying that which he does not know but rather to say: “Allah knows best” or “I do not know”.
How excellent is the speech of the angels when they said to their Lord, Glory be to You, we have no knowledge except that which You taught us. [Al-Baqarah 32]
When the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) were asked about something that they did not know, they would say: “Allah and His Messenger know best.” This is only because of the completeness of their knowledge and their faith and their glorification of Allah, and being far removed from embarking on matters beyond them.

Beware of accusing someone of disbelief or being sinful without proof

Indeed it is a most dangerous matter for one to dare to accuse some one of disbelief or of being sinful without proof and authorization from the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam). There is no doubt that this is insolence towards Allah and His religion and it is also speaking about Him without knowledge. This is also in contradiction to the behavior of the people of knowledge and faith from among the pious predecessors, radiallaahu ‘anhum. May Allah make us from amongst their followers in righteousness.
It has been authentically reported that the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whoever says to his brother, ‘O kaafir!’ It returns to one of them.” He also said: “Anyone who called his brother ‘O kaafir!’ Or ‘O enemy of Allah!’ And it was not correct, it would return back to him.” [Saheeh al-Bukhaari] i.e., whatever he said falls back on him. This is a strong threat, warning the people of accusing others of disbelieving and being sinful, except when they have sure knowledge and understanding. This and other evidences are also a warning that one should be careful to guard his tongue, and only say that which is good.

Beware of being hasty

How many calamities, difficulties and problems have afflicted those who are hasty! The days and nights are going and leaving behind the traces and consequences of hastiness! How much corruption and destruction and un-praiseworthy consequences have occurred because of partisanship and the following of desires? We ask Allah to keep us safe from that.

Beware of partisanship to a group

It is not permissible for one to blindly follow this person or that person, or the opinion of such and such a person. Nor should he follow blindly the methodology, or group of any individual.

Differing, It’s Effects and Cure

There is no doubt that differing is one of the greatest trials and calamities to befall the Muslim Ummah. It is one of the reasons why efforts are being wasted and truth is lost. Differing among Islamic groups and Islamic centers, harms the Islamic da’wah. The only way that they can succeed is to have a unification of goals and is that they all exert their efforts and work together towards the goal which will secure the power and glory of Islam and the safety of the Muslims. It is necessary for every group, institution and community who want success in the Hereafter to help each other enjoin al-Birr (righteousness) and taqwa (piety). They should be sincere in their actions towards Allah and their primary concern should be the victory of Allah’s deen, so that everyone can join together upon the truth and work upon what Allah has said in His Book,
Help you one another in al-Birr and at-Taqwa. [Al-Maaidah 2]
My advice for the daa’ees is that they should make sure that the actions should be done sincerely and purely for the sake of Allah, the Most High, alone. They should help one another in al-Birr and Taqwa and agree to rule by the Qur’aan and Sunnah whenever a disagreement breaks out amongst them, in accordance to what Allah says in the Qur’aan,
And if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger if you believe in Allah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination. [An-Nisaa 59]
By this the goal will be one and the same and the efforts to search for success and warn away from following desires will be unified. Allah, the Most High, says,
But if they answer you not, they know that they only follow their own lusts, and who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, without guidance from Allah? [Al-Qasas 50]
Allah says in the Qur’aan addressing His Prophet and His Messenger Daawood, ‘alaihis-salaam,
O Dawood! Verily We have placed you as a successor on earth, so judge you between men in truth and follow not your desire, for it will mislead you from the Path of Allah. [ Saad 26]

Beware of Blind Support or Opposition Because Their Opinion Agrees or Conflicts With Yours

The deen of Allah must be the authority that judges everything. Beware of following your brother just because he agrees with you over an opinion and oppose another because he disagrees with you over an opinion or an issue. This is not being just or fair. We know that the sahaabah differed in issues, but this did not effect the good faith, support and love between them, radiallaahu ‘anhum. So the believer acts by Allah’s laws and he accepts and submits to the truth and he makes it precede everything else.
The believer should not oppress his brother, or act unjustly towards him if he differs with him over a opinion from the issues of Ijtihaad, in which the proofs may not be clear or issues in which there may be differing interpretations of the text. He may have an excuse, so you must advise him and love the khair (goodness) for him and do not allow the differing to induce and prompt aggression and discord between you. Do not enable the enemy to take advantage of you and your brother. And there is no movement or power except with Allah the Most High.

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The Muslim Woman As A Da’iyah


(An Excerpt from the Book “The Ideal Muslimah: The True Islâmic Personality of the Muslim Woman as Defined in the Qur’ân and Sunnah”, Pp. 451-459)

By Dr. Muhammad ‘Ali Al-Hishimi

Translated by Nasiruddin Al-Khattab and Revised by Ibrahim M. Kunna and Abu Aya Sulaiman Abdus-Sabur Copyright and published by the International Islâmic Publishing House (IIPH), Riyadh, Saudi Arabia in 1999.

The Muslim woman calls people to the truth

The true Muslim woman understands that mankind was not created in vain, but was created to Fulfill a purpose, which is to worship Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala):

“I have only created Jinn and men, that they may serve Me.” (Qur’an 51:56)

Worshipping Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) may be done through any positive, constructive action undertaken to cultivate and populate the world, to make the word of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) supreme on earth, and to apply His laws in life. All of these constitute part of that truth to which Muslim men and women are required to call people.

Hence the true Muslim woman is aware of her duty to call as many other women as possible to the truth in which she believes, seeking thereby the great reward which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has promised those who sincerely call others to the truth, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to ‘Ali (radhiallahu anhu):

“By Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) if Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) were to guide just one man through you it would be better for you than red camels.”[1]

A good word which the Muslim woman says to other women who are careless about matters of religion, or to a woman who has deviated from the guidance of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) will have an effect on them, and will come back to the sister who calls others to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) with a great reward that is worth more than red camels, which were the most precious and sought-after wealth among the Arabs at that time. In addition, a reward like that of the ones who are guided at her hands will also be given to her, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever calls people to the truth will have a reward like that of those who follow him, without it detracting in the least from their reward.”[2]

The Muslim woman does not think little of whatever knowledge she has if she is calling other women to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). It is sufficient for her to convey whatever knowledge she has learned, or heard from other peoples’ preaching, even if it is just one ayah from the Book of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). This is what the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to tell his Companions to do:

“Convey (knowledge) from me even if it is just one ayah . . .”[3]

This is because whether or not a person is guided may depend on just one word of this ayah which may touch her heart and ignite the spark of faith, so that her heart and her life will be illuminated with the light of guidance.

The Muslim woman who is calling others to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) does not spare any effort in calling other women to the truth – and how great is the need for this call in these times – seeking the pleasure of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and spreading awareness among those women who were not fortunate enough to receive this teaching and guidance previously, and thus proving that she likes for her sister what she likes for herself. These are the characteristics of the woman who calls others to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) that distinguish her from ordinary women. They are noble, worthy characteristics that were highly praised and encouraged by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“May Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) make his face shine, the one who hears something from us and conveys it as he hears it, for perhaps the one to whom it is conveyed will understand it better than the one who conveyed it.”[4]

The Muslim woman who is truly guided by the Qur’an and Sunnah is like a lighted lamp that shows travelers the way on the darkest night. She cannot conceal her light from her sisters who are stumbling in the darkness when she has seen the great reward that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has prepared for true, sincere callers to the truth.

She enjoins what is good and forbids what is evil

The duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil (al-amr bi’l-ma’ruf wa’l-nahy ‘an al-munkar) is not confined only to men; it applies equally to men and women, as is stated in the Qur’an:

“The Believers, men and women, are protectors, one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His Mercy: for Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.” (Qur’an 9:71)

Islam gave women a high social standing when it gave her this great social responsibility of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil. For the first time in history, women were to be the ones issuing instructions, whereas everywhere else except in Islam they had been the ones to receive instructions

In response to this responsibility, which in fact is a great honor , the Muslim woman rises up to carry out the duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, within the limits of what suits her feminine nature. Within the limits of her own specialized field, she confronts evil – which is no small matter in the world of women – whenever she sees it, and she opposes it with reason, deliberation, wisdom and a clever, good approach. She tries to remove it with her hand, if she is able to and if doing so will not lead to worse consequences. If she cannot remove it by her actions, then she speaks out to explain what is right, and if she is not able to do so, then she opposes it in her heart, and starts to think of ways and means of opposing and eradicating it. These are the means of opposing evil that were set out by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“Whoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand, and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”[5]

When the alert Muslim woman undertakes this duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, she is in effect being sincere towards her wayward or negligent Muslim sisters, for religion is sincerity (or sincere advice), as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) explained most eloquently when he summed up Islam in one word: nasihah. If that is indeed the case, then the Muslim woman has no option but to enjoin what is good and forbid what is wrong, in order to fulfill the definition of sincerity as stated by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“Religion is sincerity (nasihah).” We asked, “To whom?” He said, “To Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to His Book, to His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.”[6]

The Muslim woman’s speaking out to offer nasihah and to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil in women’s circles will lead to the correction of many unIslamic customs, traditions and habits that are prevalent among some women. How many such practices there are among women who neglect or deviate from Islam; the Muslim woman who confronts these customs and explains the correct Islamic point of view is doing the best thing she can for her society and ummah, and she is one of the best of people:

A man stood up whilst the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was on the minbar and asked: “O Messenger of Allah, which of the people is the best?” He said, “The best of the people are those are most well-versed in Qur’an, those who are most pious, those who most enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and those who are most respectful towards their relatives.”[7]

The alert Muslim woman is a woman with a mission. She never remains silent about falsehood or fails to uphold the truth or accepts any deviation. She always strives to benefit her sisters in the Muslim community, and save them from their own shortcomings, backwardness, ignorance and deviations. She undertakes her duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, in obedience to the command of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and His Messenger, and to protect herself from the punishment of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) which befalls those societies where no voice is raised to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil.

When Abu Bakr (radhiallahu anhu) became the khalifah, he ascended the minbar, praised Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) then said, “O people, you recite the ayah, ‘O you who believe! Guard your own souls: if you follow [right] guidance no hurt can come to you from those who stray . . .’ (Qur’an 5:105) and you are misinterpreting it. Verily I heard the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) say: ‘Those people who see some evil and do not oppose it or seek change will shortly all be punished by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).’”[8]

The Muslim woman who is sincere in her Islam, whose faith is strong and whose mind is open to the guidance of Islam, is always active in the cause of goodness, enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, offering sincere advice and reforming corrupt situations. She does not accept negativity, passiveness, negligence or vacillation in herself, and never accepts any compromise or deviance in matters of Islam and its rituals. Religion and ‘aqidah are serious matters; it is no joke, and it is not permitted to remain silent about any deviance or error in religious matters, otherwise we will end up like the Jews, who earned Allah’s wrath when they vacillated and became careless with regard to their religion:

“Among the people who came before you, the children of Israel, if any one of them did wrong, one of them would denounce him so that he could say that he had done his duty, but the next day he would sit and eat with him as if he had never seen him do anything wrong the day before. When Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) saw this attitude of theirs, he turned the hearts of some of them against others and cursed them by the tongue of Dawud and ‘Isa ibn Maryam, because they disobeyed and persisted in excesses [cf. Qur’an 5:78]. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, you must enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and you must stay the hand of the wrongdoer and give him a stern warning to adhere to the truth, otherwise Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will surely turn the hearts of some of you against others, and curse you as He has cursed them.”[9]

She is wise and eloquent in her da’wah

The Muslim woman who seeks to call others to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is eloquent and clever in her da’wah, speaking wisely and without being pushy to those whom she calls, and taking into account their intellectual levels and social positions. With this wise and good preaching, she is able to reach their hearts and minds, just as the Qur’an advises:

“Invite [all] to the Way of your Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) with wisdom and beautiful preaching . . .” (Qur’an 16:125)

The sister who is calling others is careful not to be long-winded or boring, and she avoids over-burdening her audience. She does not speak for too long, or discuss matters that are difficult to understand. She introduces the idea that she wants to convey in a brief and clear fashion, using attractive and interesting methods, and presenting the information in stages, so that her audience will understand it easily and will be eager to put their new knowledge into practice. This is what the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to do in his own preaching, as the great Sahabi ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (radhiallahu anhu) tells us. He used to preach a little at a time to the people, every Thursday. A man said to him, “I wish that you would teach us every day.” He said, “What prevents me from doing so is the fact that I would hate to bore you. I show consideration towards you by choosing a suitable time to teach you, just as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to do with us, for fear of making us bored.”[10]

One of the most important qualities of the wise and eloquent da’iyah is that she is gentle with the women she is calling. She is patient with the slowness or inability to understand on the part of some of them, their ignorance of many matters of religion, their repeated mistakes and their many tedious questions, following the example of the master of all those men and women who call others to the way of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) – the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) – who was the supreme example of patience, kindness and open-heartedness. He responded to questioners like a tolerant, caring guide and gently-correcting teacher, never frustrated by their slowness to understand, or irritated by their many questions and the need to repeat the same answers many times until they understood and left him, content with the lesson they had learned.

An example of this gentle approach is the account of the Sahabi Mu’awiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Sulami (radhiallahu anhu), who said:

“Whilst I was praying with the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), one of the men in the the congregation sneezed, so I said, ‘Yarhamuk Allah (may Allah have mercy on you).’ The people glared at me, so I said, ‘May my mother be bereft of me! What are you staring at me like that for?’ They began to strike their thighs with their hands, and when I realized that they were telling me to be quiet, I fell silent. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), may my father and mother be sacrificed for him, finished the prayer, and I have never seen a better teacher than he, before or since. By Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) he did not rebuke me or strike me or insult me. He merely said, ‘This prayer should contain nothing of the everyday speech of men; it is just tasbih, takbir and the recitation of Qur’an,’ or words to that effect. I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, I am still very close to the time of jahiliyyah (i.e., I am very new in Islam). Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has brought us Islam, yet there are some among us who still go to soothsayers.’ He said, ‘Never go to them.’ I said, ‘And there are some who are superstitious.’ He said, ‘That is just something that they imagine; it should not stop them from going ahead with their plans.’” [11]

Another characteristic of the successful da’iyah, and one of the most attractive and influential methods she can use, is that she does not directly confront wrongdoers with their deeds, or those who are failing with their shortcomings. Rather she is gentle in her approach when she addresses them, hinting at their wrongdoing or shortcomings indirectly rather than stating them bluntly, and asking them, gently and wisely, to rid themselves of whatever bad deeds or failings they have. She is careful not to hurt their feelings or put them off her da’wah. This wise, gentle approach is more effective in treating social ills and moral and psychological complaints, and it is the method followed by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), as ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) said:

“When the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) heard that someone had done something wrong, he did not say ‘What is wrong with so-and-so that he says (such-and-such)?’ Rather, he would say, ‘What is wrong with some people that they say such-and-such?. . .”[12]

Another important feature of the da’iyah, that will guarantee her success, is that she speaks clearly to her audience and repeats her words without boring them until she is certain that they have understood and that her words have reached their hearts. This is what the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to do, as Anas (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to repeat things three times when he spoke, so that they would be understood. When he came to a people, he would greet them with salam three times.”[13]

‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) said:

“The speech of the Prophet was very clear. Everyone who heard it understood it.”[14]

Footnotes:

[1] Fath al-Bari, 7/476, Kitab al-maghazi, bab ghazwah Khaybar.

[2] Sahih Muslim, 16/227, Kitab al-’ilm, bab man sanna sunnah hasanah [?]

[3] Fath al-Bari, 6/496, Kitab hadith al-anbiya’, bab ma dhukira ‘an Bani Isra’il.

[4] Reported by Tirmidhi, 5/34, in Kitab al-’ilm, 7; he said it is a hasan sahih hadith.

[5] Sahih Muslim, 2/22, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan kawn al-nahy ‘an al-munkar min al-iman.

[6] Sahih Muslim, 2/37, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan an al-din nasihah.

[7] Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; the men of their isnads are thiqat. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 7/263, Bab fi ahl al-ma’ruf wa ahl al-munkar.

[8] Hayat al-Sahabah, 3/233.

[9] Reported by al-Tabarani, 10/146; the men of its isnad are rijal al-sahih.

[10] Bukhari and Muslim. See Riyad al-Salihin, 374, Kitab al-adab, bab fi’l-wa’z wa’l-iqtisad fihi.

[11] Sahih Muslim, 5/20, Kitab al-masajid, bab tahrim al-kalam fi’l-salah.

[12] Hayat al-Sahabah, 3/129.

[13] Fath al-Bari, 1/188, Kitab al-’ilm, bab man a’ada al-hadith thalathan li yufham ‘anhu.

[14] Reported by Abu Dawud, 4/360, Kitab al-adab, 21; its isnad is sahih.

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A Mother’s Notes


From: Naureen Mallick

Assalam alikum Ustazah

As I was going thru my files today, I saw this piece that I wrote earlier this year….I just thought may be u might enjoy reading some aspects of ur students as mothers, and their sometimes unconscious impact on the next generation of ur children!

January 14, 2009

To a mother, the achievements of her child are always wonderful and a source of endless commentary. It is quite another thing if others can be similarly excited!

For the past 2 weeks, Yahya has exhibited a remarkable new ability.

Some days ago, as the two of us drove down to pick up my daughter from school (it’s a 15-min drive), I put on the first tape from the ‘Kitab ul Ilm’ set. My intention was simply to revise the book, and utilize the drive time. When we got to the school and Mariam climbed into the car, Yahya turned to her and said: ‘min lisani…qawli’ (as if to tell her what he had learnt just now in the car). To say that I was surprised is to put it mildly: At 2 years and nine months of age, Yahya only speaks in 2-3 word-sentences and the only ‘dua’ I have been able to teach him up till now is the ending portion of the one said on entering the washroom: ‘min al khubsay wal khabais’

The next morning, when I logged into the paltalk room, he started jumping up and down when he heard Ustazah reciting the dua for ilm and exclaimed: “yeh keh re hain…qawli…” Hmmmnn, so he was also connecting fragments of information?

Was Yahya in a new stage of linguistic development?
Why had I been unable to teach him any duas so far?

As I turned over these thoughts in my mind, one plausible answer that occurred was: may be he liked Ustaza’s voice and wants to learn the way she teaches. So as soon as we sat in the car the next day, I put on the “Rabbi Zidni..” tape and started from where we had left off the day before. Sure enough, when we got to Mariam’s school, the first thing he said to me was: ‘Rabbi..ilma’. Mariam and I spent the drive back home and the rest of the day teaching him ‘zidni’ until he finally said the complete dua. Progress!

I thought I had found a new drive-routine. So the 3rd day, on reaching Mariam’s school, I turned to Yahya and prompted: ‘Allahumma faqihna…’ (thinking he had moved to the next dua being taught on the tape). He didn’t finish the dua as I had expected, but surprise, surprise! Guess what he did say? “Hasbi yullah”. I looked at him in shock, until I recalled that earlier in the week, on the drive to school in the morning, when Mariam had complained about being unable to open a stuck door in school, I had taught her that dua. Apparently, Yahya had been paying attention too!

And so it was that that week, we concentrated on teaching Yahya ‘Rabbi shahri le..’

Then he surprised me again yesterday, when I caught him playing and saying to himself…..‘Rabbin Naas’….So Mariam reciting her morning duas aloud was also affecting his learning process! (Mariam recites her morning azkar in the car with me).

I started paying closer attention to Yahya’s babbling to himself when he was playing. Sure enough I caught portions of duas like ‘rabbana lakal hamd’ and ‘rabbil alameen’. Just today, I was praying and as he tried to run past me, and pushed me in the process, he muttered to himself ‘astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah’.

The bottom line?
Every Muslim parent tries to inculcate some Islamic values in their child, but sometimes we just don’t “see” it. We see other children and wow at their achievements as they roll off duas and other Islamic tid-bits. We are humbled into thinking ‘oh their parents must be sooo good…may be I am just not a good muslim parent…others have such great ideas on parenting…’ and son on. We tend to become dejected and demoralized…oh what’s the use of my trying?

What Yahya taught me was that a parent should never stop trying. One never knows what avenues a child is learning from. I may not be the only source of learning for him.

And that brought me to my second great realization: one should never underestimate the power of good company. Even in our homes, when we are listening to a lecture or tape, the words are also going inside our children’s consciousness. They might not always be able to understand or reproduce them, but the words become a part of the children’s psyche. Just like we hear of the pious women of days of yore bringing their children to the majalis of different shyookh, today we have the choice of bringing the voice of the shyookh to them.

Here was a message of hope for young parents: one should keep trying and never ever underestimate the power of dua and good intentions!


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Advice to Parents

Shared By: Zeba Ahmed


Make Dua for your children, on a daily basis & when you face challenges. Start early and pray for children who will be the delight of your heart and eyes.

Have a Vision for how you want to see your child in the next 15/20 years (this is not a career plan, think manners, character, accomplishments, experiences etc) make a strategic plan for all the factors that will be needed to get him/her there and start working

Make them God-Fearing. Not from a terrifying punishing Lord, but from a Gentle, Loving, Kind Allah who is proud of them and wants to see them succeed.

Teach them good manners & morals. The Prophet (SWT) told us ‘Make their manners & morals beautiful. This is the biggest reflection from parents.

Nurture your children to be appreciative and respectful of you. For example if you cook them a meal or take them out, teach them to say ‘Thank you mom for making this food’ or ‘Jazakallah dad for taking us out’, every time.

Let your children catch you doing good things. More powerful than lectures,
is to let your children see you in action. If you are visiting your aunt who is sick let them choose the gift and take them with you.

Choose Good Friends for your children. Don’t let them be chosen. Let them spend quality time in front of you. Sleepovers are not a good idea, especially as they get older. This is where they are going to learn the things you don’t want them to or worse.

Talk to your children, don’t spoil or over praise them. Keep talking to them at all ages, they are listening and recording. Times change and their childhood will be vastly different from yours. Read and keep up to date with what is happening in the world.

Courtesy ICCL Academy/Abhaiyat/May2009

Proofs of Islam by Yusuf Estes

Proofs of Islam – Part 1

Fiqh ad-Dawah Series by M AlShareef

Guiding by the Book of Allah by Shaykh M AlSahreef